


Christmas jumpers

by softlyspoken



Series: it’s the most wonderful time of the year [7]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Amnesia fic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Christmas Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 23:08:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/pseuds/softlyspoken
Summary: Aaron faces a lonely Christmas without his husband when Robert loses his memory
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Series: it’s the most wonderful time of the year [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574866
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	Christmas jumpers

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last one I promise!

  
He’s not even sure why his hopes were raised for those precious few moments. He’s not sure why he’d even began to think they could have a Christmas together when his own husband has no idea who he is anymore.

Robert’s here and not here. He looks the same, sounds the same, smiles the same sometimes too. But he doesn’t love the same. He’s tight and protective and the thought of being around anyone who isn’t Victoria is something he panics about.

Aaron’s decided that there really isn’t a lot to celebrate this year. Robert got everything whacked out of him and there’s no point wishing for any of it back anymore.

He’s been there, done that. There’s _nothing_.

Aaron’s pulling down tinsel from the tree Robert bought them a few years ago, when he’s hit by how fragile Robert looked when he was first bought round. Aaron was crying, face puffy and hands clammy because they mentioned _brain damage_ , they mentioned a struggle, a _blocking_ of information.

“Rob.” Aaron looked down at his husband, bruised and worn and like the stuffing has been pulled out of him. Aaron curved a hand over Robert’s face, breathed him in as much as he could. “Don’t do that to me again.” He said.

Robert just had to stare at him for him to realise he wasn’t there.

“Rob?”

“It’s Robert.”

And everything wasn’t the same after that. There were tests and phases of treatment and Robert frustrated over not being able to remember _words_ let alone Aaron.

“He’ll remember.” Aaron said, this hope so tight in his chest that it made it hard to breathe. “He can’t … he can’t forget us.” Because maybe, if they hadn’t been what they were, Robert could forget Aaron. He could forget his eyes and his smile and the way he slept with his mouth half open sometimes.

But they were _them_ , and he couldn’t forget them.

Then he did.

—

“It’s just … this could help.” Aaron said, hands falling over a tinsel and looking up at Robert who was staring at him so blankly.

“Tinsel?”

“You like … you like Christmas.” Aaron had stumbled on words and felt sick at the sight of Robert facing away from him. “Rob? I mean … Robert, what’s …”

“Vic told me about us.” Aaron looked at the back of Robert’s head, felt this rush of something inside him at the thought of Robert knowing. “I just didn’t remember anything.”

Aaron scratched an eyebrow. “Still?”

The still was the saddest thing in the world. The reminder that Robert doesn’t know him, that he’s going from strength to strength in all areas apart from this one right here.

“Sorry.” Robert pushed out. Then he turned, eyes wide and wet. “Sebastian.”

Aaron nodded, dropped the tinsel and walked towards Robert. “Yeah. Seb.”

“Seb.” Robert said, looked lost. “Vic says you love him.”

“I do.”

“You love him even though …”

“I _love_ him.” Aaron had goosebumps suddenly. “And I love you.” He said, careful, slow and then his hands were around the back of Robert’s neck. “I do.”

“You do.” He did, he did and yet Robert still pulled away like he had to. He let the feeling of Aaron touching him almost completely die out. “S’why I can’t.”

“Touch me.” Aaron’s face was wet with tears, red and puffy and this _ache_.

Robert frowned. “I could. I could … I want you like that.” It was progress, it was good, it made Aaron want to kiss him so badly.

“We were always good at that.” Aaron said, hands around Robert’s waist and his head tilted up.

“But you love me and I don’t …”

Aaron hadn’t heard it put like that before. It made him stumble back, feel like he’s going to faint. “You don’t even know me.”

And all the trying, all this fight he had to make Robert fall in love with him again seemed to fly out the window, died on his lips.

“Aaron … I just don’t want you to think …” Robert waved a hand out and then gulped. “I might not remember you.”

“But you remember Seb. You remember Vic and — and my _mum_ and …” Aaron might have chucked tinsel at Robert in his rage. “You’ve giving up.”

And maybe he should too.

Now, there’s tinsel around his feet and the sound of Liv coming home. She’s frowning at him like he’s done something wrong.

“Aaron …”

“Don’t _Aaron_ me.” Aaron pulls down more tinsel and lights. “I don’t want a big song and dance this year for obvious reasons.”

Liv pulls this face, “It’s Christmas Eve and you’ve just changed your mind … Robert.”

And it’s always, in every single universe, going to be Robert he’s achingly in love with. He closes his eyes, tries not to cry and think about how Robert now knows that they were trying to have a baby too. He thinks about if there could be a scan on the fridge if he hadn’t been where he was that night.

He’s struck by when he told Robert and he can’t move from the memory. Robert was hunched over and looked lost and he just needed to understand.

“You were on your way home.” Aaron looked at him, the space between them on the sofa felt unnatural. “To me. Seb, Liv. We were going to watch a film.”

Robert breathed in. “Too fast?” He couldn’t even get his words out, this slowness to him was still there.

Aaron bent his head and cried, couldn’t hide this wave of guilt he had. “Maybe. I … I left you this message saying that you owed us a night in, that you were working too hard. They’re not sure if you read it but if you did …” Robert’s eyes flickered. “Then it’s my fault you crashed.” He had his hands running through his hair, this shortness to his breath. “And I’m _so_ sorry.”

He was so sorry and Robert was so lost but he touched his shoulder, said, “So am I.”

Liv starts putting the lights back on when Aaron grabs them from her. “I meant it Liv. I can’t … I can’t handle this.”

“He’ll remember.” Liv says, eyes wide and filled with something he can’t see. “Just give him …”

“He doesn’t want me.” Aaron whispers, “Because he doesn’t know me. Or you. Or … this place.” He looks around and then sighs. “And tomorrow I can’t … I can’t do anything without him here.”

Because without him it’s too hard, it’s too much. He remembers the first time Robert slept on the sofa here, Seb asleep on his chest and Aaron bent down to run a hand through his hair.

He remembers a gentle plea he couldn’t help but say, “Please remember me.” He whispered, over and over and over.

Liv steps back, gives up the fight. “I’m sorry.”

Everyone’s sorry, and everything’s shit and the egg nog he’s drinking in front of some shit telly is making him feel sick. It’s later now, and the door bell goes. Aaron sticks his feet up further, turns up the telly until it rings again and he staggers towards it to tell whoever it is to do one.

“Just leave me the fuck …” it’s not anyone, it’s not just someone. It’s Robert and he’s holding something in his hand. It’s a jumper, all neatly folded and everything. Aaron straightens his back, tries not to sound pissed. “Is that …”

“For you.” He hasn’t seen Robert for nearly two weeks. He hasn’t looked at him and felt like he was falling further in love in way too long and he wants to kiss him so much.

Aaron takes it gingerly, then breathes in. “Is it …” He breathes in. “Did Vic tell you about what we used to do …” He smiles for the first time all day, all _week_.

Then Robert gulps. “Every …” He breathes out and then in and he’s struggling to find the word. Aaron steps forward and then feels unsteady until he’s holding Robert’s arm.

“Year.” Aaron says, nods his head gently. “Every stupid year.” He laughs. “Got Seb a silly one too.” He smiles, shows teeth and everything. He holds the jumper in his hand gets lost in it for a second so he doesn’t hear Robert saying his name. “Hmm?”

“Vic didn’t tell me about them.”

Aaron frowns. “So Liv …” He stops himself, and then he’s understanding because Robert helps him by nodding his head. He smiles, Robert actually smiles.

“I remembered them.” Robert shudders. “On my own. Remembered … hugging you on Christmas Day. Given you one.” His voice is still stunted, almost punctured but it’s music to Aaron’s ears. “Feeling like … I was so happy.”

“You …” Aaron’s not able to say anything, he bursts into tears and wraps his arms around Robert’s neck like he can’t let go. Eventually he leans away because Robert strokes his waist and their noses bump together. “Sorry.” He doesn’t know whether to move away or not but Robert doesn’t seem to want him to.

“I don’t remember everything. I just remember the feeling.” Robert whispers. “But …”

“It’s enough. For now. It’s … it’s _everything_.”

Robert’s shoulders relax like he was wondering if it was. He’s still an idiot then.

Aaron steps in even closer, has a hand around the back of Robert’s neck. “You know I love you … _so_ much.” He says, “And I’ll wait, and I’ll keep …”

“I know.” Robert says, and then he bends down and their lips brush together for the briefest of seconds. “I know deep down I love you too. I know.” So he kisses him until Aaron’s walking backwards into the bare tree and nearly making it fall over.

They do trip, Aaron’s slightly pissed and he drags Robert down with him as he kisses him again.

“Tomorrow. You’re here yeah?” Aaron whispers against Robert’s mouth. He hopes and wishes he’ll nod his head.

Robert does.

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been sooooo fun creating all these little verses and I’m really hoping it put you a bit more in the festive mood or just out a smile on your face! Wishing you a very merry Christmas!


End file.
